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Me ofall people and what's more, Miriam seemed utterly nonchalant about it.She acted like there was nothing too weird about it. Even having herniece's bras and panties in a drawer that I'd be using didn't appear tophase her. It made me wonder if I was much weirder than I alreadythought I was. After a while I got up and put my things in the drawers and closet. Istood a full minute staring at the bras lying next to my clothes andwondering if they might fit me. I had never met Penelope. If she wasn'tespecially petite, then there was a chance we might have a similarsize. Of course, I would at some point end up touching one of the brasand I couldn't see how I could do that in good conscience. I'd beviolating Miriam's trust in me and it would make her feel bad that shehad put me in this situation. But, of course, how would Miriam knowthat there was anything to be concerned about? I went out to the living room as Miriam had suggested I do. She wasseated on the sofa reading a magazine. She. I do not countwhen I wrote to tell you I am done as a real entry. I was trying to notface coming to learn who I am.This time it was not me trying to stop myself on this journey of self-discovery which made me take a break from writing in you. I know Icannot stop from becoming who I know I am. If I did I would not beliving my life but playing a role. I think more people play a role inlife instead of being who they are. That is a good way to waste a life,by having so many regrets.I delayed writing in you because I was trying to understand why I had somuch fear going to HR on my first day back to work. Part of theapprehension came from me knowing what I was going to do there. I waswalking in there dressed as Ben and going to tell someone I do not knowthat I am really Bella.I know I have been in public and interacted with strangers before asBella. Those times were not planned and I knew that there was a greatchance I will never see those people again in my life. The stakes arelow when.
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